The road south out of Pattaya is already home to a number of attractions; including Nong Nuch Gardens, The Floating Market, Silverlake, and two imminent waterparks. This does interesting things to the traffic flow on weekends, and it is only going to become more hectic once Mimosa opens.

Time for the annual pilgrimage to renew my retirement visa.

The immigration office has always been a busy place; and recent reports of a dramatic increase in visa applications meant that it was likely that my visit would be something of an ordeal. I needed a plan.

Yesterday I went down to the office to pick up the necessary form and have my photo taken. It was mid-afternoon and the place was like a zoo. Frantic foreigners in varying states of undress and of limited personal hygiene were jostling for position around a harassed official who seemed to be advising all of them to “come back tomorrow”. Unpleasant.

Burapa bike week is actually Burapa bike weekend, with bikers arriving on a Friday and then departing on a Sunday, preferably with a massive hangover.

In previous years the event has been held next to a local sports hall, but this year the American forces were in town and needed the sports hall; perhaps they were going to practice invading it and bringing freedom by slaughtering every one in the area. Whatever, the alternative location was on the hills behind Silverlake and it was a great place to hold a bike rally, mainly because there was masses of space for bikes, bikers, stalls, stages and everyone who came along in cars to have a good gawp, like me.

First thing I found was the cowboy and Indian brigade. I have no idea why Thais have such an affinity for this genre; but almost every festival you attend has people dressing up as Sleeping Bear and Slightly Annoyed Bill Hickok.

It’s been a while since you “enjoyed” a polo photo; so here you are, and no bitching.

She who must be obeyed thinks I have accumulated too many cameras. She might be right.

But I am not as bad as the guy in this story.

Comments 🔗

2013-02-15 | Grant says

Clearly a graphic and horrifying illustration of the huge dangers of early weaning…

2013-02-15 | Jan says

did yoy win ??

And went on for bloody hours.

Yes, it is the annual, pointless “let’s see how long we can hold our lips together” competition. Last year the record was broken by a couple of gentlemen, and worldwide, non-exclusive coverage was provided here.

This year, they are at it again, with the world record being broken at some point this afternoon; if anybody manages to last that long. There were only four tired couple left in the competition when I went yesterday. Head over to Royal Garden Mall this afternoon if you wish to witness the climax to this most thrilling of competitions.

For almost a week now I have been suffering from a particularly unpleasant bout of man flu. It’s only this morning that I have felt a sense of normality returning and I could be found skipping round the condo attending to chores, accompanied by Plan B and Florence and the Machine (not simultaneously); although I must admit I am now feeling like I could do with a little lie down.

My wife is most solicitous on these occasions, and her immediate reaction is that we must go to hospital. My protestations that it is merely a sore throat, announcing the onset of man flu, is not enough to silence her. A firm statement that I am not going to go to Bangkok Pattaya Hospital to waste two hours of my life amongst sick people to be given assorted bags of pills I don’t need and a bill for 2,000 baht, usually does the trick.

She then moves into folk medicine mode, the weirdest of which is the Vick in a sock trick. The first night was disturbed by a most unpleasant cough. The second night I was just settling down to sleep and I felt my wife slapping Vick Vapour Rub all over the soles of my feet; and then encasing my feet in socks. W? and indeed, TF?

What are you doing? This will stop you coughing? How? You’ll see.

And I did, I had a cough free night. Pure coincidence of course and the following night I refused the soggy sock treatment, I wasn’t falling for this superstitious nonsense. As a result, I ended up sleeping in the spare room because my coughing was so bad. Since then I have requested the treatment; rubbish of course but makes her happy (and stops me coughing).

Whenever I get sick, mother-in-law is quickly on the phone ensuring that her daughter is giving me adequate attention. Between the two of them they came up with the cure-all for flu; Brand’s Chicken Essence. I don’t know if you have ever had this, but if you have you will never forget it. It tastes utterly vile, and you are burping up vileness for hours. Unluckily for me, she who must be obeyed had been given some as a New Year’s gift by a customer, and there were three bottles left in the fridge.

At the height of my misery she thrust one into my hand.

Take this, it will make you feel better. Not immediately it won’t.

Sod’s law dictated that I was indeed feeling a little better the following day, although I was sure it was just the natural course of things. Still, there were only two bottles left; so in for a Vick-soaked sock, in for a couple of swallows of goodness knows what; at least it makes my wife happy.

A couple of days later and I am feeling much recovered and the bottles of Brand’s are finished; double joy.

Then my wife returns home from work and announces she has a present for me. Good, I like presents. Usually:

She who must be obeyed is often stuck in traffic on her way home; and to amuse herself she calls me up for a chat. The topic for last night’s conversation was surprising.

I’ve just seen a very interesting thing on Facebook, it’s all about vaginas!

(Hesitantly) Oh really?

Yes, this artist in the UK took women’s vanginas and covered them in…I know the Thai word but not the English…you know, that white sticky stuff.