Hard to believe it is less than three weeks since we took ownership of our new abode. With basic tiling substantially complete last week, and our contractor moving off to another job for a few days; our energies have been directed towards buying all the bits and pieces that we need for the new bathrooms and kitchen.

Here is something I learned: You can pick one of many companies that display kitchen and bathroom equipment, and none of them have anything in stock. Fancy washbasins? Have to order. Shower units and bathroom bits? Have to order. Faucets? Have to order. Any bloody thing on display? Have to order. The only exception was a toilet; so now I have a new shitter sitting in my car port, waiting for the bathroom to be tiled with tiles that are…on order.

Busy week.

After a couple of days of minimal manpower, the house was swamped with contractors by Friday and we now have a number of jobs enticingly close to being complete. The living area and main bedroom have been re-tiled and assorted plumbing, electrical and construction jobs have been almost completed. But nothing can be signed off, partially because they are awaiting the installation of new windows and a kitchen; and also because the contractor ran out of time.

After the potential high drama of the long-distance furniture transport; I am slightly disappointed to report that it went off without a hitch.

The rickety truck arrived on Saturday afternoon and was fully loaded with goodies. Most surprisingly, it arrived on schedule in Ubon some fourteen hours later, where members of the extended family no doubt had fist-fights as to who should have what. Don’t care, as long as our new house was clear of surplus sofas and the like.

In my last post I was extolling the virtues of Home Mart; where the extremely enthusiastic sales lady arranged to supply us tiles by the following day. I lavished praise a little too quickly.

Come the following day, she called my wife to explain she had read out the wrong code to the factory, and in fact the tile we had chosen was not actually available. But, never mind, she was on her way to show us another tie which was just as suitable, if not more so. Of course it wasn’t, and we had to head back to her store to get a refund of the deposit. Lesson learned, not shopping there again.

Day whatever of our house remediation project and we await news from our contractor as to when he can start work on our project. He is currently substantially rebuilding a house for a friend; so there is some concern if and when he can fit us in.

The phone rings and Khun Somchai advises that our friend is currently scouring Thailand unsuccessfully for appropriate roof tiles; so he can start tomorrow on the destruction of our house; what she who must be obeyed calls “Phase 1”. I am hoping there is a phase 2 or else we will be living amongst rubble. He advises that he will take two days to remove the kitchen and the acres of tile that are to be replaced; which means that Saturday will see the contractor in full demolition mode in one part of the house; whilst the relatives are in adjacent rooms dismantling furniture and packing the fridge to send to the post office. While this mayhem is unfolding, the village committee will descend upon the house to discuss some of the more adventurous projects I have proposed to them as being condusive to the atmosphere of the village (I have doubts that the lighthouse will be approved). I foresee a perfect storm of shit on Saturday afternoon.

House hunting with she who must be obeyed was an interesting experience. Instead of concentrating on the overall look of the place and its potential; she tended to focus on the trivial:

“I like the fourteen bathrooms, the panoramic views and the Olympic sized swimming pool; but I could not live with the light switches in the kitchen. Next?”

After a couple of weeks of rummaging around various offerings, she did manage to get her head around the idea that, once purchased, we could mould a dwelling to our own taste; or rather her taste as I don’t have any, and would live in a cardboard box if it had a fast internet connection and somewhere to keep my cameras. Consequently, we ended up with a house that we had actually viewed at the start of our search and had been summarily dismissed at that time because she didn’t like the colour of a shower curtain (or similar).

“Worst month since records began!” trumpeted the headlines; although that was probably just a comment on the British weather. But it has indeed been a crap performance for June on Pattaya Days; not that you even care.

Apologies anyway. It has been a month of abode hunting, which finally came to a conclusion this morning at 1000 when I handed over a substantial cheque and in return I received a set of keys to the new Spike Towers. I may now be broke; but I do have somewhere new to live.

There is a reason for my minimal blog output over the past few weeks: I have been looking for a house to purchase.

Having sold the current Spike Mansions, it was necessary to obtain alternative accommodation; otherwise she who must be obeyed would have to live in a tent on the beach and there were apparently some problems with that arrangement (“where would I keep my shoes?”).

So, we dived into the housing market. It should have been easy. The Pattaya property market is in a slump; not that you would know by looking at the massive towers of tiny boxes being thrown up on every spare piece of land. If every condo being built is occupied, the city will be gridlocked and the sewage system will be overwhelmed by a massive stream of shit. Which reminds me of some of the property agents; but more about them later.