In my self-appointed role as international gadget consumer extraordinaire, I have occasion to purchase vital items from overseas.

Sometimes these come via ordinary mail, which can involve a delay as the local post office gets its arse in gear before eventually sending me a tiny piece of paper informing me that my goods have arrived. I then hurry down to the shrine of parcels, pay some duty, and pick up my toy.

Way back in 2009, a professional photographer called Chase Jarvis published a book titled “The best camera is the one that’s with you”. There are many books available that are full of interesting and artistic photos; but this one differentiated itself by containing only photos that were taken by a phone; and damn good they were too.

Mr. Jarvis could have also called the book “It doesn’t matter what camera you have, it’s the photographer that makes the difference”; but maybe that would not have sold as many copies.

As everyone knows, or at least anyone who has used Google this morning, today is the birthday of the long dead Mr E. Muybridge (Muggridge? Muygridge?).

Notable for changing his names on a regular basis, he also found time to develop a method that proved that horses do indeed have all four hooves off the ground, and that they are tucked under the body rather than splayed out at either end as thought by those who worried about these things.

So well done there Mr. E., although nowadays readers of this site will have become depressingly familiar with how easy this is to illustrate with a digital camera.

Still, you will be pleased to know that yesterday marked the end of the Polo Season in Thailand. Cue much wine and champagne after the match and tearful hugs as everyone (apart from me) disappears to more pleasant climes for the summer.

As a birthday tribute to Eadweard, and to mark the end of the season, here is a hooves in the air shot this last weekend featuring a small Thai lady pushing a much larger opponent off the ball.

Just by chance, I found myself amongst assorted Thai ladies on the front row of a fashion show yesterday. The Thai ladies did not approve. They were there for the fashion, but it was clear to them I was only there to perv at the models. I tried to play this down by muttering “my editor at Vogue is going to love these shots”; but they were not convinced. Then a couple of male models hit the catwalk and I was not sure what to do. If I didn’t photograph them then I would reinforce my pervy image; if I did photograph them then I was obviously gay. I compromised by taking a couple of shots with an expression of complete disinterest; not that the Thai ladies cared. As soon as the guys turned up they whipped out cameras, phones and tablets and were snapping away enthusiastically; dirty old pervs.

The lighting was atrocious; spot lights of various colours firing off in no particular sequence, interspersed with periods of dark. The exposure reading on my GX1 was leaping around all over the place, and it was impossible to get any reasonable colour balance.

Still, here are some shots:

Or maybe not, you never can tell in Pattaya.

Whilst in Bangkok last week, she who must be obeyed expressed an interest in going to the cinema. When she is interested in doing something, I am fascinated; so off we went.

The only show in town was “The Hunger Games”, a hugely popular teen movie based upon a hugely popular trilogy of books. Set the future in what used to be America, a boy and girl from each of the twelve poor districts that once staged a rebellion, are brought to the capital for an annual televised event where they are placed in an area of land, and the last one alive is the winner.

To ensure a PG-13 certificate, shaky camera techniques and quick edits are used to ensure we are not exposed to too much bloodshed. To ensure the average cinema audience is not over-taxed, many of the themes and plots in the book are simplified, or ignored completely (allegedly, I have not read them).

But, in spit of that, I rather enjoyed it. It’s well made, the lead actress, Jennifer Lawrence, is clearly a future star; and the supporting cast including Woody Harrelson, Lenny Kravitz and the inevitable Donald Sutherland as the evil president do a solid job. It flags a bit in the middle, but as a no-brains required evening out it’s OK.

But this is not the first “last schoolkid standing” movie, and it is not the best. Honours for that have to go to the excellent Battle Royale.

I have a passing interest in Japanese cinema; first sparked by Mike Takahashi’s “Audition” (Kiri Kiri Kiri!) and rekindled lately by “13 Assassins” from the same director. My limited collection includes a special edition of Battle Royale.

Still breathtaking after all these year and one of the many cars I never owned but wished I had:

She: You want to talk?

Me: Yes, we need to have a conversation?

She: What’s on your mind?

Me: I remember the day I first saw you. You were in a shop and I saw you through the window. It was pretty much love at first sight, you were so beautiful. I thought to myself; she is going to be expensive, but I didn’t care, I had to have you.

She: Yes, it was a magic moment for me too. As soon as I saw your credit card face, I knew I should go home with you.

Me: At first it was wonderful, we went everywhere together. I held you, caressed you, showed you to my friends; I was so proud that you were mine. But then your flaws started to appear. You were so hard to deal with. Even the simplest things turned out to be difficult with you; and to be brutally frank, you were just slow. Beautiful, but flawed. I have to admit I was attracted back to my old love. She may not have your looks, but she is so responsive to my touch.

She: Oh no! How can you say that?

Me: After a while I realised that hooking up with you was a mistake and now I want out of our relationship.

She: Please; give me another chance! Maybe they’ll update my firmware. But wait, what’s this packing box…..

Me: I just sold you on eBay; for almost as much as I paid for your sorry arse. Packing time!!

She: Nooooo! I don’t want to go! And what’s this black thing next to me?